To All Others Who Share PCOS

Well my story started 11 years ago when I was married and decided to try to have a baby. I had noticed a few years before that, that my cycles were not what you would call normal. I always figured that it was not a big deal and I never thought that it would cause any problems as far as fertility was concerned.

After about 3 and a half years of trying to get pregnant with no luck I decided to start asking some questions. My husband was tested and found to be normal. So now the real frustrations were about to start. I went through referrals and found a specialist who almost immediately put me on Clomid and started with the temperature taking and the constant visits to the doctor. I had more pregnancy tests through this time that I do not think that I could even start to count them all. Along with  all these tests came disappointment after disappointment. Every time I heard the word negative my heart sank just a little more. This went on for 2 and a half years. Now 6 years later, I was short one husband, no closer to any kind of solution, and feeling that I was not a whole woman but only the shell of what I was supposed to be.

Almost a year later I met, who is now to be, my future husband and he encouraged me to go on with trying to find out what was wrong. So once again I gritted my teeth and sought out another specialist. I now am able to put a name to my problem, and that name is PCOS. Along with my Diabetes , things were not looking at all promising to me. With the support of my future husband. I go on. I am about to have a procedure done called "Ovarian Drilling". I am not able, at this time, to put into words exactly what this will do. The only thing that I can say is that I hope that the end result will be to finally hold my son and or daughter in my now empty arms.

If this procedure does not work I am not sure what, if any, will be my next move. As far as I can see, from the information that I have heard and read, IVF is for the rich, which I am far from. It just seems that every time a door is opened up to us another one is shut in our faces. I watch children all over and I can hardly stop the tears from flowing. I watch my fianc with children and I feel the overwhelming pain of failure. Both of our hearts ache to hear those magical words, the words that can melt the coldest of hearts, words that stop time, MOMMY and DADDY. I wonder every day what either of us did in this life to have to suffer this kind of pain. I have yet to find a way to stop it from hurting. There is only one thing that will do that and I pray every night that it will happen.

I know that there are many others out there who share our pain. I hope in my heart of hearts that it all ends up good for you, and that it does not end up one of those dreams that have a dollar sign in front of it. I hope that in the near future that I can put another story out here to continue this one that will say that it all worked and that we are holding and loving our baby. If not than all I can do is to let others know that they are not alone in their frustration and pain. They say that money does not buy happiness but I would, in this case, have to disagree.

Sincerely, Verna Van Every

(Our prayers are with all of the other couples out there)